This year including from August 2012 has truly felt like a FIGHT for me. I’ve had to deal with people completely flipping the script on me just because they’re in a higher position than myself. At work, school, family members and home. On top of that I had to deal with my inner conflicts, people from the past that are toxic popping up, trying to make friends happy while making myself happy, money issues, my online business, losing sleep, my health (weight and consuming foods) and my hair journey.
For the rest of the year I really want to spend my time on myself and discovering more about me and nurturing myself. I want to educate myself: spiritually, things about my hair, body & mindset….I just want to learn about things that are healthy for my lifestyle. I want to be healthy inside and out.
This is something that has been in the making for a looong time. Being tied up in school, stress and inner conflicts has not allowed me to truly dedicate myself to this. I’ve been planning for this very moment and even though my finances are not up to part I still WILL be going through with it. I’ve never been one to worry about money so I wont start now, God will make a way.
I really feel as though this is something I need for myself. A new start. I have to do better for myself…everything starts with me first before I can start trying to truly apply myself somewhere else.
My school work, the way my room looks and the dreams I have at night ALWAYS have reflected how I feel within. If my room is messy then that means I’m probably stressed. If I have a dream about tornadoes or the world ending or me dying, that means I’m going through changes/transitions within and I probably associate those changes with negativity at the time. If I do horrible in my school work that means I am neglecting it because I would rather apply myself somewhere else beneficial to me.
So the question is…where do I begin?
My answer to myself,”Look around, what needs to change?” Well my room of course. So I’ll start with that.
So I hit up a few psychics on Etsy this year just to test the waters and do reviews on them. One thing I did get from the various shops is that June specifically is suppose to be a “trying” month for me. In one review a tarrot reader did for me which was on video (I did not post it) she told me that she keeps getting negative things for me around June. The same with a tarrot card reader that did a reading for me for month to month. They only thing I can do it wait and see if its true. From where Im standing now I do not see how. My college courses and books are paid for. I’m graduating. I’m slowly paying off paypal and my bank. I’m making money using Cashcrate. I don’t want to say what could go aroung but I definitely don’t see anything happening that would be a “crisis”. So we’ll see and I will definitely be doing a update on it.
I’ve Always Been The Oddball & Always WIll Be.
Something that I has been present throughout my life. Stares from people in disagreeance with my opinion or perspective. I’ve been in rooms full of people that have looked at me in disgust just because I’ve stated my opinion and they disagree with it. Until recently I’ve come to the conclusion that, that is just something I am going to have to live with throughout life. I refuse to be a victim of people not accepting me. I am who I am whether someone likes me or not.
All throughout High School I could never make any black friends because I was too “different”. And yes they literally did say that. They liked my appearance and everything then as soon as I open my mouth and its something different from what everyone thinks then they all back off. As a result I had a lot of Hispanic friends and I’m happy I did because I made some true friends.
It happens other places to on and offline. At work I’m not that highly liked because I choose not to gossip or eat the food that is offered to me and I’ve said so to an extent. On the internet, I get attacked all the time because half the time I disagree with what someone is saying and I state it. I’m not with agreeing with everyone else. I always do things outside the box and I like looking at BOTH perspectives of something.
One thing about me, I’m not afraid to say whats on my mind. I do not care who you are, I will say it and it will be the honest truth. When I say something I stand by it and if I’m wrong, I apologize and/or admit it. BUT if you come at me with negative energy or without a respectable presentation justifying why you disagree with my opinion then be prepared to be handled with facts and a strong fist. I don’t sway under pressure when I truly believe something. I think that may be one of the reasons that this natural hair journey has taken such a strong stance in my life. It shows that you embrace who you are, its a journey to loving you no matter what others think. I like myself and I’m not afraid to say I love myself, I value my opinion while valuing others. Thats just how I am
So in the words of my friend who taught me some valuable lessons, “Fuck em.”
Waking up this morning was so refreshing. I had the best 8 hours of sleep ever. After working so hard yesterday I deserve it. It’s not easy being a Social Worker. I have so many things to do but today I’m going to relax. We can stick to the daily routine for the rest of the week but today is mine.
I have to say that this was inspired by Montana Deleon. I know I wrote a blurb about her YT channel and I still agree with everything I said but if someone does something that I like, whether I favor them or not…I’m not afraid to give them their props. I saw a few weeks ago that she had made an interesting post on FB, actually I will re-quote that post but I was taken by the concept of it because she willing wrote out where she see’s herself in the future when it comes to relationships and what she wants to go on it. Not too many people are expressive about their future or their dreams. So I decided to do a little spin on it because I’m always daydreaming about my future and how I would like things to be so why not express it?
I’m SO in love with my man because he always says “WE, US, OUR and TOGETHER.” Everything he plans for he keeps ‘FAMILY’ in mind and what WE would need. He tends to be so busy at times working on his goal list that we would go 24 hrs without seeing each other but I’m too busy to notice at the moment because I’m doing the same. We have goals to reach and empires to build TOGETHER so in my free time I support his goals and vice versa. We pencil each other in for date nights on our lengthy list of things to do. We come together and work on “OUR” to do list and we call this “quality time” because we are so determined to build and empire together! Even though I don’t own not ONE pair of red bottoms and he has never waited in line for the newest pair of Jordans, we travel internationally every 3 to 6 months slowly but surely wearing out our passports so we ain’t trippin…….we’re racking up on the intangibles;-) He was focused and driven when we first met and so was I, so it was easy to come into his life without interruption but as an asset because I made sure he continued being productive and I inspired him to want more and I was hands on in helping him with his goals, careful not to be a distraction and this worked out perfectly because he saw my drive and returned the effort. We just match so perfectly. I”m SO in love with my man…….Oh…..wait……I haven’t met this man yet. I’ll just stay busy working towards my goals until he crosses my path.
Let me tell you. I have been down this road so many times its ridiculous. I just dont know where to start. I really do not have much time to sit down and think of a plan right now because my courses are so demanding for June. Courses that you would take 5 months with ALL mashed up into one month. Its intense especially since I haven’t taken the classes yet. I would love to start my weight loss journey today or anytime this month but when I do something so drastic I really need to put my ALL into it. Not only that but I really need to sit down and figure out my spending buudget because before I was blowing $30 to $60 left and right and the food I bought I barely Ate all of it or got to it. So if I have time tomorrow or tonight Im going to add a page to my weight loss section called Plan of Action and just list everything I feel I need to work on toward my weight loss journey.
When I first heard of this website I was so excited to try it because it was new to me and I don’t think anyone else I know has heard of it. So I gave it a try and filled out ALL of the surveys they provided. Afterward i qualified for some free Dr. Scholl’s Insoles. I have to say I’m glad I took the time to even work with Bzzagent. These insoles are the BOMB DOT COM! They are so comfortable and they fit just right, mind you I have big feet (size 9). I put them in my sandals because thats all I wear and they still work just as good as they would work using sneakers. I love love love it! The thing I love about it is EVERYONE can get in on it. Not just me. If you guys don;t know about Bzzagent then you should sign up now and start getting some free stuff like me.
The first words I read today that actually brought me to reality and whisper to myself,”Oh Shit” are STATISTICS IS THE HARDEST MATH COURSE YOU WILL EVER TAKE. I’m taking a Statistics and American History course to finish off my degree. I explained the process of how graduation works in one of my posts I wrote last week.
As my professor began to lecture us on the first dayof class about this being college and being responsible for attendance. I was 10 ot 15 minutes late, I had the wrong class number so I had to go all the way to the library log into my account to print out the class info and then find the class. I began saying to myself damn I signed up for this course during the Summer not knowing what I was getting into AND I’m not good at math. But now that I am outside of the class I have definitely did some talking to myself. “Inhale & Exhale, Jazzie everything is going to be fine, dont be intimidated we always make it through even when we fail”, and its true. Even though it hurts I always make it through.
So my plan is to really study and put some effort into this course unlike I have been doing for my whole college term. So that means doing what I have to do first THEN doing what I want to do. I can not slack. I really want to do good for myself. Its never too late for change and this is only the start. So my message for today….don’t give up on yourself or your dreams if you keep striving for them you will eventually get what you need out of it.
Sooo this year I am suppose to be graduating “early” June 1st. I have two courses during the Summer I have to take then I’m completely done! Thank God! Since there is only one graduation ceremony per year, my college allows you to graduate early as long as you have two or one courses left to complete and they are already paid for prior to registering for graduation. I’m not sure if any other colleges practice that or not but I just found that out thanks to my new EOP counselor. I had my old EOP counselor for two years and up until 2 months ago I reluctantly switched due to traveling reasons. I am 100% thankful I did because she had been misleading me and if I would have stayed under her I would be in the gutter right now. God works his miracles, right?
The courses I am taking this semester are my human services ( 2 classes), biology and math. I already found out I got an A in both my Human Services classes. I am very thankful for that, hopefully it will raise my GPA. As for my Biology class if I Ace my Exam I will pass with a D. My Math class, if I do well in the exam I may pass with a D or C. Either way passing is passing lol. I just need to study instead of blogging right now. I usually do well when it comes to Summer courses so hopefully I get an A or B, nothing less.
After that I really want to open my jewelry store back up online and search for a job. Hopefully get a job. Wherever God leads me.
As I mentioned before in previous post. I have a dilemma with Paypal….Actually, let me explain what happened. I have a little program setup with paypal where they would take out money weekly to pay my bills. I had a jewelry website open, etsy and ebay so bills were constantly coming in. One week I called up my cellphone company to pay a bill using my checkings. I completely forgot about Paypal having to automatically take out money from my bank account because I was so used to not having to do it myself. So when Paypal did go to take the money out of my account, there was nothing in it. The first day this happened I saw it. My bank had covered it by taking money out of my savings and paying Paypa. Then adding a -$25 fee for it. I paid the $25 fee and I canceled my subscription & put my jewelry on hold with paypal so I could manually pay my bills. After that, I thought I was done.
Well about 2 weeks later I check my Paypal and saw that it was an astounding -$500+. I looked through my history and saw that paypal had literally went into my bank account about 5 times everyday trying to get out that money and every time it was declined. I immediately went to my bank account to see what damage had been done. When I tell you that I was livid I mean, I was PISSED! My account was -$1,500. All of my savings money, GONE. I tried calling Paypal every single day, every time the customer service hung up on me. I wrote letters, I wrote complaints, everything I could until I realized it was a losing battle. So I froze my account so nothing else would come out of there. Had to permanently stop my jewelry line, couldn’t afford to buy anything. After that I just didn’t know what to do. 2 months ago I started paying my bank off $50 a month to get out of the debt. So right now I only owe them $1400.
I have no problem paying off my bank, I really like them and it teaches me how to save and a valuable lesson of paying my own bills instead of depending on the system. As for paypal I thought about it and said to myself…I am REFUSE to pay for this out of my hard earned paycheck or anything I earn outside of life so I said I’m not going to pay it. I did a little research on people who owed Paypal and they all said it went to the collections agency and it counts toward their credit report, etc. I said to myself well I could easily pay it off when it comes to that.
Right around that time I had that m mindset my sister had been bothering me about her credit report and how important it is for moving and getting a car because she have bad credit from loans and overdue bills. Then she started telling me about this book she bought that tells her all of these sites that give you free money and the sites that she told me about…I already knew about. So I dug a little in memory lane and remembered when I signed up for the site CashCrate.com and how they used to mail me $10 to $20 every week for free when I was younger.
So I signed up for the site and decided that I will be using the money I earn up there to pay off my Paypal debt. So I calculated if I accumulate $4 everyday by the end of this year I will have $800+. $500 to Paypal and $300 to myself. So thats the plan. So far I have earn $17 in 5 days. I’m going to have to take a step away from it on the count of I have studying and things to do these past 2 weeks. But if anyone wants to join me in making money or if you need help I’ll gladly help you. The site its self is 100% legit you just have to know what you are doing when it comes to surveys. Some days can be hard to earn money and sometimes you will do a survey and it wont even count toward your money but you have to keep pushing on.
If you do decide to join please join using my link. I would very much appreciate it an it would definitely help me get out of debt. Thank you!
If you have seen my blog or if you glance through it now you will see a few categories/pages dedicated to weight loss. Understand this: I have been up and down with this whole weight loss thing and not because it is hard or because I don’t have time. Its really because my head is not in the right place. I’ll start my journey then I’ll stop. I start again and then I stop. Whenever I start its always a…abrupt, forceful push start. It does not come naturally. It is just something where I have been pushing myself to do it.
Right now I’m at the point where I do want to lose weight but I want to do it the right way. By the right way I don’t mean just eating right and exercising because I was doing ALL of that before. I mean I want my mind to be in the right place.
I realize now that this process goes much deeper than changing my appearance. When I begin to lose weight, its the beginning of change in every aspect in my life. Along with that change I need to know that I am ready and willing to apply that to EVERYTHING that I do. I shouldn’t have to push myself because I “need” to do it. I want to lose weight because I purely WANT to do it and it makes me happy. If it doesn’t make me happy then I just can not do it. The way I was doing it before only made me happy to see the results but not overall happy which was why junk food was so tempting or why I would easily forget that I’m trying to make a change in my diet.
So for now I’m not sure what I will be doing but I do know after my graduation has come and passed I will have a lot more time on my hands so then I can decide how I want to get my body right. I also have some books that I downloaded that have to do with positivity and discovering self. I’m hoping that will help me too along my journey. Some how I’m going to squeeze the Bible in there too. I told my friend last week that I want to get closer to God and I don’t attend church at all but I do pray…I would like to be able to talk to people that read the Bible or have a respectful perspective on the Bible and we can share our thoughts and prayers together.