Graduation, Exams, College, Money…Life but its all LOVE.

In 2 weeks have graduation coming up, two exams this week, then my summer courses start 2 days before my actual graduation. Can you say stressed?

Im worried about my Biology course. I’m taking it online and I am not sure how well of a good job I will do on the exam but Im gonna try my damn hardest. Then I have my math exam. I’m VERY worried about that because I tend to forget EVERYTHING once a paper is in front of me and I literally only have 4 days to study for it.

Not only that but I just started my process using Cashcrate to make some money on the side. I have a dilemma with Paypal and I don’t want to come out of pocket so I’m going to be using the money that I make from Cashcrate to pay off what I owe. The plan was to earn a minimum of $4 a day but I don’t really have time for that so if I skip out on that for a week I will be shorting myself $28 is it worth it? Hm.

After this week passes I am hoping things calm down a little. For my graduation I have some for myself. For my hair I will be doing senegalese twist. I was going to where my Evony wig from Outre but I put it on and I just wasn’t feeling it. So I bought 11 packs of different colored hair (pick on the side). I never buy the same colored hair its always mixed, I love it wild and I never expect how it will come out. I just know that it will work. For inspiration I started looking through photos in my computer and I saw this photo where it had a girl with box braids next to a girl with senegalese twist. At that moment I decided I wanted senegalese twist and just to make sure I could do it properly and neat I did a little strand test. It came out perfectly. So senegalese twist it is! I will also be taking a dip in the hot water and making them curly senegalese twist (Inspired by this video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=saOK8lJZ72c & this video too http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-SP7DwG1cPc)! I haaaave to. It can’t be ordinary UNLESS the straight hair matches the earrings that I made versus curly hair.

Man I have so many plans for my graduation its crazy! I really want to make myself some hand jewelry. I think I will if I find the time to. It wont be exactly like this photo but it will be similar and I’ll be taking pics of EVERYTHING.  Another thing I want to do is bedazzle my graduation cap. I just came from my aunt’s graduation and I saw this girl with a bedazzled glitter graduation cap and it was literally the only interesting thing at the graduation and it stood out. I did my little googling and found a lot of tutorials and diys on pinterest. I’m going to stop by Michaels this Friday, grab some stuff and practice on my High School graduation cap. If it comes out good on that then I will do it on my actual cap. I’ll take pics ofc.

I also want to go to an eye appointment, get my eyes examined then get a new pair of glasses. I want to get my teeth cleaned so I have nice white teeth on my graduation day :D. I’m not sure if I want to get my nails done I might just settle for painting them myself or letting my sis paint them then maybe adding some diamonds or something. I really want to buy a new dress but I always order my stuff from online and it would feel weird trying to get something from an store so I think I may settle for what I already have, I’m not sure yet I’m going to have to ask for my mom’s or sis’s opinion on that one. Shoes, I’m ust going to wear sandals, nothing too complicated. I already have my jewelry made: Necklace and Earrings. I have plenty of rings that could easily match. I think, if I have time, I’m going to make my mom and my sister some matching earrings to wear with me. I think that’ll be awesome…maybe even my grandma and cousins, it depends on how I’m feeling toward them or how I’m feeling at the moment. But I think it would be a great idea to see a family all wearing matching earrings. I know my grandma is going to ofc want a necklace to go with it, she always does.

I just really want it to be a good day. I don’t want to feel hostile toward everyone and whoever comes, comes lol. It’ll be the one day in the year where nothing can upset me except if my ex showed up lmao which would never happen. So thats whats going on in my life right now and like I said in the title, its all love.

-Jazzie

How I See My Family

The Dynamic of my family

My main family is my mother..sometimes my sister. All of my “other” family is on my Dad’s side and they’re what I like to call “Drama Thrivers”…they can’t live without drama. When I was a kid I was around them a lot but that was because my parents were married and even when they got divorced my dad still was around..when he started getting too busy with work and working on getting married again, I started to stay home more and stopped hanging around them including my grandparents. Everyone my grandmothers neighborhood grew up or moved away so there were no other kids or teens to play with…family members like cousins that aren’t really cousins…you never saw them accept for in church and when everyone started going to a different church and I stopped…it just ended there. So fast forward through my teen years I only saw my family maybe 20 times out of the year….Actually I’m going to explain the dynamic of my dad’s side of the family from my point of view, my dad excluded because he moved to get away from the drama.

Grandma: Very religious, assistant pastor, talks about everyone especially family members, uses the word of God to “smite” everyone, blames every negative thing on the devil, thinks she is always right, loves her grandchildren (my 2 cousins) and still rants about how my grandfather’s, mother and his daughter (never got a paternity test) treated her, even after my great grandmother died and so has my grandfather…she still rants about how badly she treated her, she constantly contradicts herself saying one thing then saying something totally different, always yelled at my grandpa when he was alive, and still yells, complains about her children all the time but supports them even when they ask for money.

Grandpa:  Deceased. Was VERY VERY patient especially with my grandma, quiet, smart, when he spoke sometimes he sounded like a jerk but it was the truth, spoiled my grandma, never was apart of the drama.

Uncle: Always thinks he is right, refers to black people that he looks down on as Negroes and niggers without even realizing how easily someone of the other race will call him the same thing, openly gay and has made it apparent by introducing his boyfriends but has never discussed it or admitted it verbally.

1st Aunt: Got married a 2nd time but faster just to be disappointed after everyone warned her to move slow, Very envious, does things to start drama, likes drama..for example I was late for one of my cousins parties and she kept blowing up my cellphone, so I didn’t answer. Knowing what type of person she is before I arrived at the party I put my cellphone on vibrate because I had a feeling she would try to call my cell phone when I arrived there to see how loud it was and if I could hear it. Wouldn’t you know she does that exact same thing I thought she would do and I watched her do it and look stupid. Anyway growing up we used to be very close, I thought she was awesome, she smoked and I wanted to smoke…even when she didnt have money I wanted to be around her until I realized what type of person she was. She talks very negatively and will try to bring down anyone with or around her, stresses herself out when the solution is right in front of her. I stopped hanging around her when she began to talk about my mother and I told her I didn’t want to participate in that.

Oddly enough my mother and sister say I’m just like her…probably because I have a “no bullsht” attitude most of the time and keep to myself.

2nd Aunt: To be honest I never liked her even when I was younger. She is exactly like my sister minus the hoarder syndrome. She is very inconsiderate, always late to things then when she arrives she acts as though she was early, never takes care of her kids and if you tell her she doesn’t, she gets offended to high heaven, likes to act as though she does alot and has a lot of money, HAD a lot of money but blew it all on shopping at Marshalls, has a secret life…which is why she brushes her kids off on my grandmother, claims she has a lot to do when she has no job and only takes 2 college courses, lies about simple things, likes to put others down without realizing it, very loud but very well educated when it comes to school and juicing “the system”, likes to experiment with food that she cooks, talks the talk but doesn’t walk the walk, makes promises that she has no intent of keeping, calls her children fat infront of their faces. One of them even said they wanted to go on a diet and their not even in their teens yet. When my grandmother is out of town, she likes toirritate other people and throw her kids off on them, calls/arrives unexpectedly.

1st Cousin: 2nd aunts child. Not even a teen yet and causing drama, family claims she has a “disability” but she has the smarts to be able to steal and ask me in public infront of 10 people, “Jazzie, its that your real hair?” After we discussed that it wasn’t prior to that. Lies, always in her own world, very smart, talks a lot, always in trouble, far from dumb but easy to catch in a lie, always repeats what my grandmother or someone else has said around or to her.

2nd Cousin: 2nd aunts child, 1st cousins sister, very smart, spoiled, overlooked and assumed to be trusted because she is smart, sneaky, just as bad as her sister, gets away with a lot of stuff because she is quiet and acts as if she has sense compared to her sister.

So thats what I see from my family. I know it sounds very negative but thats how I honestly view them. I’ll be writing more about why I feel that way…toward them or random things later on in the week. This semester is coming to an end so I might be writing less seeing the fact that I need to study.

-Jazzie

Happy Valentine’s Day!

 

Even though I am single, I would like to take the time out to say Happy Valentines Day to everyone who has someone to spend it with. Be happy and enjoy your loved one. It doesn’t even have to be a boyfriend or girlfriend, it can be a family member, a friend…a stranger. You never know. It’s about love, not the gift. Enjoy and embrace the happiness. If you’re single don’t be bitter or mad, you too can embrace the happiness. Life is what you make it. I’ll be posting a lot of Valentines Day personal photos today :))

Sincerely,

Jazzie

Good & Bad News: Working Out, yes! Eating Healthy, no!

This is something I feel very passionate about and sensitive toward because I am trying…I’m having a VERY hard time eating healthy. It’s bad enough I find it hard to avoid those, oh so good junk foods. The other day I attempted, I started out good making myself some eggs with a baked potatoes but then I didn’t know what else to cook because my plan was to eat tuna sandwiches with cheese but I forgot the cheese (I bought them today :D)! SO I began snacking! Then on top of that the people in my household make it even harder for me to eat healthy. I went out and spent $40 on some food that I planned to prep and cook. I bought some salmon, tomatoes, herbs (rosemary, basil, thyme), carrots, potatoes, almond milk (which im scared to drink lol), chicken breast, cheese, etc. I bought all of these things because I planned on cooking myself something healthy while learning more techniques and ways to cook. So anyway my sister who likes to throw away everything she didn’t by, goes through the fridge and decides, “Oh I didn’t buy these herbs and they look old, so let me throw them away!” Then my mom goes in the freezer and says,”Oh! Salmon! Let me waste my time and FRY all of them and leave only 2 left because everyone likes fry food! That’s what they were obviously purchased for!” Then my sister goes in the freezer again,”Oh! Salmon! I didn’t buy them nor do I contribute anything to the household especially money and I don’t give a flying fuck! Let me take the last 2 salmons and cook them because I’m on a imaginary diet that I keep ruining every 30 minutes junk food…yay me!”

That’s what keeps happening to me every week lol….

As for my workouts..I feel very confident in them. I do cardio only. I never liked weights or the idea of them plus I do not wish to spend money on them. I know for sure with working out…it’s just like my hair journey, you have to find what works best for you. Not everything people usually do will work for you. My daily workout will revolve around Leslie Sansone Dvds…I downloaded them for free and I bought one just for the abs belt lol. With Leslie Sansone, I lost weight doing her dvd’s last year, her workouts that I use consist of walking at home…I forgot the positive results I got from her other than losing weight. One negative was that my butt began to look flat. So after every workout I did of Leslie Sansone, I did squats and leg sit ups…i saw some results but I realized that I am not strong in squats. I would do only 20 day/night squats a day and one week i over did the squats and i couldn’t walk straight for 2 weeks nor could I work out. So from then on I limited my squats to 5 – 10 a in the morning and 5 -10 at night because…I’m scared that will happen again.

My workout now:

-20 to 40 Wall push ups (I’ve never been good at  actual push ups but after doing these for a while..I will.)

-40 to 60 Standing Trunk Twist  (video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=haWuH3LRFI4)

– 5 to 10 Squats

-15 Leg touches or sit ups

-Rotated workouts with Leslie Sansone throughout the week: 15minute workout (TODAY) = 1 mile walk, 30 minute work out = 2 mile walk, 45 minute workout = 3 mile walk….the 3 mile walk is NO joke! If you are not prepared or fit prior to it, you will feel some soreness after words.

If anyone wants to join in on the leslie sansone videos I will be uploading the ones I use on dailymotion so join and subscribe! I will be uploading other videos too from youtube..I’ll credit them but I just would like to have some good easy workouts just in case anyone else wants to join me 😀

http://www.dailymotion.com/journeytolong

-Jazzie

 

Confession: It Hurt When My Ex And I Broke Up

If you know that feeling of one minute you know someone then the next they are a complete stranger…then you’ll understand what I’m talking about. Although it still does sting, I’m happy we are not together. He’s a nice “friend” and he’s very smart.. he is attractive…in a way to some people but what I found attractive about him was our connection. Being in a relationship with him is another story versus being friends with him.

He and I had broken up a little over a year ago. Then last month we had gotten back together….for about 3 days, then split. We  had been talking as “friends for a few days and he seemed cool and was flirting with me, through text of course. Then we met up and talked…even though it was not my goal, we got back together that day. Why? Well…he was telling me things I wanted to hear. He said he had learned and had grown a lot. He told me he understood what went wrong in our relationship before and honestly he was just telling me things I already knew. Actually everything he said he had learned, I already knew and realized within a week of us breaking up. But I missed him so I took him back and as soon as he left my sight I automatically said to myself,”This is a bad idea.”

When we got back into a relationship it was like…being back to where we started a year ago. He didn’t take the time to text or call me..say hello, good morning, I love you, how you doing…I couldn’t get anything out of him and when I told him..well tried to tell him how I felt he just called it off and said we were moving too fast.

I was angry but at the same time happy. Happy to know that I no longer have to be stressed in a relationship. Happy to know that it wasn’t a mistake that we aren’t together…we weren’t meant for each other and honestly, I never saw myself spending the rest of my life with him. I only saw myself loving him for the rest of my life and yes, I still do love him. But I still feel a lot of animosity about the way he treated me but that wound will heal its self.

Since I’m happy about us not being together I’m just going to say the things I learned or learned about while dating him since he is the only guy that I truly ever cared about:

1. He introduced me to Youtube and how useful it is for answers.
2. I learned to never tell your family something unflattering about your boyfriend or girlfriend because they wont forgive them as easily as you will.
3. Love is not color.
4. Never let the influence of someone else’s judgement cloud your judgement about your partner when you are the closest person to them.
5. If you are not comfortable speaking in your relationship, then there should be no relationship. Communication is the key.
6. Talk to your spouse and let them know you still love them and you care.
7. If your heart tells you something then follow it so that you don’t regret your decision.
8. When you’re truly ready to move on then you will move on.
9. Never put something that can wait before something that is your priority and goal.
10. Love is not forced, it comes to you. Never force yourself to like someone.
11. Its okay to be vulnerable.
12. Never date someone that makes you feel less of what you are.
13. Insecurity and jealousy in a partner is a problem.
14. Be yourself.
15. Follow your instincts.
16. Love yourself before you love someone else.
17. Some things need to remain sacred between you and your partner.
18. Never tell someone something that you don’t want your partner to hear.
19. I do not desire a boyfriend..I want a husband, a life long compaion, not someone that holds that title of “boyfriend” that tends to come and go.
20. If you are going to cook, clean, introduce and have sex with someone then you might as well be married.

-Jazzie

Similiar To Bella Swan..

Two things that people have always said and/or mentioned toward me….things pertaining to my race or personality.

Friends/Strangers:“Are you really black??”…”The white girl is blacker than you!”..And most recently..”Your boyfriend must not be black.”

Family members:“She’s anti-social.” Or “She’s always quiet.”

Now surprisingly a lot of this stuff does not come from strangers, some of them have come from friends a lot have come from family members. I choose not to communicate with a lot of my family members because I do not trust them. No one can hold water and I want to be as far away from the drama as I can.

As for friends…outside the internet I have no made a friend since I graduated high school…why? I don’t know I guess its hard for me…its not easy to really find someone that understands me AND cares enough to hang around. If they do then they already have a life they are engaged…it’s fine with me though a lot of times I prefer to be alone…except for at night. I hate sleeping alone.

So back to the title…the reason why I mentioned all of this is because  a while ago my dad said to me, “You remind me of Bella from Twilight.” At first I took that as insult but brushed it aside but then I started watching the movies and finding out more about her (minus reading the book)….I find out that I am a hell of  a lot like her lol.

Things in common:

Socially awkward to people who want to know me unless they keep throwing themselves at me or I warm up to them. Willing to accept someone. I rather have invested my feelings and deep inner emotions within a relationship rather than vent to friends or family. My partner is the closest person to me and the person I love the most. Have a mom a that over reacts to things and wants to know everything and loves me. Have/had friends that wanted to be around me but I gradually pushed them away for relationship. Graduated. Smart. I have gone completely “crazy” when my boyfriend left me. Will choose love over lust…theres so much more I cn’t think of it right now but you get the drift.

Differences:

I don’t have  a boyfriend/husband.I don’t have a father that tries to understand me. I don’t have a bunch of people willing to accept me even though my decisions are rash and I don’t have two guys chasing after me at once. Never been bitten.

So from this…I am a huge Twilight fan, I think its awesome and yes I am the type of black girl with a body that you would usually see in the DAYUMM BIG BOOTY magazines…but I don’t have the snooty, whorish personality to match it. I am a Virgo though…lady in the street, freak in the bed 🙂

-Jazzie

Recipe: Curry Chicken with Plantains and White Rice, Success!

My first attempt at Curry Chicken with Plantains was a success! I looove Jamaican food but its soo dang expensive here! $10 just for this meal right here and thats without a drink or desert. So I went to my favorite little helper for help on how to make this…YouTube!  This photo is of a meal I packed for lunch. Curry chicken recipe with Jasmine White Rice and Plantains.

I’m going to be honest…for the plantains I didn’t even cook those babies. I  bought them in a goya package put them in the microwave…they taste just the same lol. I could have made my own plantains but they bring fruit flies and those little buggers are hard to kill…if you have ever had them.

Anyway my mother and sister loved this recipe. Said it tasted way better than the restaurant and actually got mad that I didn’t make “enough” lol. I used ALL fresh ingredient..nothing came out a can except for the seasonings.

Video – How to make Jamaican Curry Chicken: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sR4xmsQGYD4

Video – How to Cut a whole chicken: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2GSK6eDr1Ks&feature=share&list=PLwX7VpYUXcoJ8Ypo1nYHkV20A0XFhXkDa

Ingredients

4lbs                Chicken, chopped in small pieces (remove skin)
2 tbsp             Lemon juice (for washing chicken)
3 tsp               Salt
3/4 tsp           Black pepper
6 tbsp             Curry powder
4                      Cloves garlic, chopped finely
1/4                  Small red bell pepper, finely chopped
1/4                  Small green bell pepper, finely chopped
1                      Large cooking onion, chopped
2 tbsp             Cooking oil
1 tsp                Cumin seeds, not powder (optional)
1 tsp                Dried thyme or 1 sprig fresh thyme
1 tbsp             Tomato ketchup
1 tbsp             West Indian pepper sauce (optional)
3 cups             Water
2                      Medium potatoes, cut in 6 pieces each

Directions

Cut and wash chicken: Cut chicken into serving pieces (not too small) and remove and discard skin. Pour lemon juice over chicken, wash in cold water, drain well and dry with paper towel

Season chicken with 2tsp salt,  black pepper, 3 Tbsp of curry powder and chopped garlic;
put chicken in fridge for 1 hour to absorb spices

1.  Add cooking oil to saucepan and heat on High; saute cumin seeds for 1/2 minute
then add chopped onion, green and red bell peppers,

2. Add thyme, pepper sauce,  3 Tbsp curry powder, 1 tsp salt and tomato ketchup; saute
onion and peppers until just tender

3. Add 1 cup of boiling water and, when sauce is boiling, add chicken. Fold in chicken until it is well covered with sauce and seasonings; add 1 1/2 cups of boiling water; cover and bring to a rolling boil

4. Lower heat to medium, add potatoes and add 1/2 cup water, cover and simmer (slow boil) until chicken is tender and sauce thickens (about 1/2 hour)

5. Taste and adjust with salt, if needed.

 

Credit to:

http://www.cooklikeajamaican.com/fays-curry-chicken/

http://www.youtube.com/user/CookLikeAJamaican