This year including from August 2012 has truly felt like a FIGHT for me. I’ve had to deal with people completely flipping the script on me just because they’re in a higher position than myself. At work, school, family members and home. On top of that I had to deal with my inner conflicts, people from the past that are toxic popping up, trying to make friends happy while making myself happy, money issues, my online business, losing sleep, my health (weight and consuming foods) and my hair journey.
For the rest of the year I really want to spend my time on myself and discovering more about me and nurturing myself. I want to educate myself: spiritually, things about my hair, body & mindset….I just want to learn about things that are healthy for my lifestyle. I want to be healthy inside and out.
This is something that has been in the making for a looong time. Being tied up in school, stress and inner conflicts has not allowed me to truly dedicate myself to this. I’ve been planning for this very moment and even though my finances are not up to part I still WILL be going through with it. I’ve never been one to worry about money so I wont start now, God will make a way.
I really feel as though this is something I need for myself. A new start. I have to do better for myself…everything starts with me first before I can start trying to truly apply myself somewhere else.
My school work, the way my room looks and the dreams I have at night ALWAYS have reflected how I feel within. If my room is messy then that means I’m probably stressed. If I have a dream about tornadoes or the world ending or me dying, that means I’m going through changes/transitions within and I probably associate those changes with negativity at the time. If I do horrible in my school work that means I am neglecting it because I would rather apply myself somewhere else beneficial to me.
So the question is…where do I begin?
My answer to myself,”Look around, what needs to change?” Well my room of course. So I’ll start with that.
Another dream I had in the same night…its kind of hard to explain because my dreams shift drastically.
Its another place I have visited before in my dreams only it was combined with my college, work and a hotel I visited one time in dream (not physically).
Making my way to leave school, I was on the top floor which was the fifth floor yet there were 2 doors opened to the outside where it was literally on ground level with trees and a side walk. It was wet outside yet sunny, slightly raining. Across from the 2 open doors within the building was a elevator.There were about 4 other people waiting for the elevator so I walked up to it and pushed the button.
The elevator was taking a while so I sat in between the 2 doors, positioned from the inside and outside.
I remember feeling very self conscious about my hair because it wasn’t done and I had it wrapped up in a scarf.
Outside of the doors I saw some guys from my old high school walking outside looking at me. I think they were laughing at me or talking about me because my hair and clothes weren’t up to part plus I’ve always been non-commutative and shy whenever I see people from High School…I just don’t want that to be apart of my life at all. Anyway I think if I would have smiled and said hello they wouldn’t have talked as much.
I got impatient with waiting for the elevator so I took the stairs. Immediately after opening the stairway turned white (another place I visited before). On my way down the stairway I passed a precious little boy. When I finally reached the bottom of the stairway. I looked up to see if I could see the little boy again but he was no where in sight. I then felt a little different then looked down, I was pregnant.
After that I woke up. I have these crazy dreams all the time and I feel like I need to get them down on paper. Just so I can see if they connect. I believe that my dreams really do try to communicate with me. When I am going through something difficult thats the time when I fluently dream. So from time to time I will be posting more of my dreams…mainly for myself to look back on.