I’ve Always Been The Oddball Because of my Uniqueness

I’ve Always Been The Oddball & Always WIll Be.

Something that I has been present throughout my life. Stares from people in disagreeance with my opinion or perspective. I’veNatural Hair is Beautiful (152) been in rooms full of people that have looked at me in disgust just because I’ve stated my opinion and they disagree with it. Until recently I’ve come to the conclusion that, that is just something I am going to have to live with throughout life. I refuse to be a victim of people not accepting me. I am who I am whether someone likes me or not.

All throughout High School I could never make any black friends because I was too “different”. And yes they literally did say that. They liked my appearance and everything then as soon as I open my mouth and its something different from what everyone thinks then they all back off. As a result I had a lot of Hispanic friends and I’m happy I did because I made some true friends.

It happens other places to on and offline. At work I’m not that highly liked because I choose not to gossip or eat the food that is offered to me and I’ve said so to an extent. On the internet, I get attacked all the time because half the time I disagree with what someone is saying and I state it. I’m not with agreeing with everyone else. I always do things outside the box and I like looking at BOTH perspectives of something.

One thing about me, I’m not afraid to say whats on my mind. I do not care who you are, I will say it and it will be the honest truth. When I say something I stand by it and if I’m wrong, I apologize and/or admit it. BUT if you come at me with negative energy or without a respectable presentation justifying why you disagree with my opinion then be prepared to be handled with facts and a strong fist. I don’t sway under pressure when I truly believe something. I think that may be one of the reasons that this natural hair journey has taken such a strong stance in my life. It shows that you embrace who you are, its a journey to loving you no matter what others think. I like myself and I’m not afraid to say I love myself, I value my opinion while valuing others. Thats just how I am

So in the words of my friend who taught me some valuable lessons, “Fuck em.”

-Jazzie

Exercise/Eating Healthy Day 3..

Im just blogging about this so while I am out and about I can come to my blog and read what I plan to do for today…I may or may not make this a habit, we’ll see.

Right now my sister and I are trying to lose weight. We’re both using myfitnesspal and I downloaded insanity for her so I could upload it and she could us it. Right now she is ahead of me in the working out department by an hour and some minutes. We’re both struggling with eating.

Anyway, today I want to plan my meals a head of time even though I don’t know how it is going to workout when it comes to actually eating the food. I have some chicken egg foo yung left over from yesterday so I will eat that last today. I know its not the healthiest choice but Im a work in progress. I’ll cook myself a salmon in the morning and eat it then or later. I’ll eat some yogurt when I get home from work because I know I will be hungry. I dont think they give you any breaks so a snack will have to do that wont keep me from working. I’ll have to find a snack to take to work with me so I will have to stop by the store before I leave class and grab something on my way to wrk…gum included and OFC WATER. I probably will end up eating some baby asparagus too. Hopefully I can follow through with this plan. Since most of my day will be at school and work…It sounds like a good plan and Im going to try to actually stick to it. Then maybe I can squeeze in working out after I get home and finish my math homework.

Eating today:

  • Yogurt
  • Salmon
  • Chicken egg foo yung
  • Baby asparagus
  • Water
  • Stop by store and get a healthy/low calorie snack for work

***Update***

I would also like to say since I began this get fit get healthy thing in…march, I’ve lost 7lbs. You can see it on my progress report I update. So hurray for me but I have about a 90-100lbs to go 🙂

-Jazzie

Journey to Becoming A Social Worker: I Don’t Like My Job Anymore (Nursing Home)

black-woman-stressedI work at a nursing home that refuses to admit that its an actual nursing home. They’re delicate to calling the people that reside there: “Old people”, “patients” or “the elderly”. Instead they refer to them as “residents”. They even have a catholic church in the home so the residents don’t have to leave and they can go anytime they want. I really enjoyed the fact that they seemingly take good care of their residents and respect them.

I’m a college student and I am currently majoring in Human Services to become a Social Worker…I want a master’s degree in the field. As of now I am taking a human services course that requires me to get a certain amount of hours (115 hours) actually working somewhere so I decided to use the place I work.

For a while now I have been losing my passion and motivation to actually work at this place. But a conversation between my supervisor and I topped the cake. Never am I disrespectful to anyone nor do I bother anyone. I try my best and do what I can.

Days prior to this situation I had been talking to some residents…as seemingly nice and nurturing the home is, none of the residents are truly happy. I’ve heard things like,”We do the same damn thing every day” or “I have no more family, no home…what now, I’m not happy here” and even from the people I work with “These people don’t give a damn about us, I’ve been working here over 20 years and I still have no say in what goes on, no one listens to you or cares”. You know what? Its true.

I remember volunteering for FREE to help this woman with an event because my supervisor suggested it and I was looking to do something new. The woman had an event coming where the residents had to perform a song with bells and children singing in the background, in front of the higher up staff (Ceo, vice president, etc). I went to help her and it turned out that she didn’t need help. I was literally standing there doing nothing. She wanted me to help the residents every time something was wrong with their bell. When something was wrong with their bell, either she would tell them and if she told me to go help them, they would look at me like…”Do you think I’m dumb or is it you?” So I brought this to my supervisor’s attention and she told me well she does need help which was true. BUT she didn’t need MY help, she needed a different type of help. The woman was just stressed and flustered about the event so the next day I was suppose to help her I just called in sick.

Another thing that I noticed which made me never want to work here again is that all of the people of different ethnicity  work where you can not see them. You know who see’s them all the time? The residents. They don’t work where they’re in the front of the building where people come to visit or where the people who are not employed there come the most, unless its a janitor cleaning up around the building. You know where I see most of the black people? In the basement on the ground floor, either cleaning or cooking. I’ve yet to see a black man/woman, Asian, Latino in a business suit in this building or wearing a white doctors coat. Everyone who works higher up or where the visitors come are WHITE.

Aside from this and my perspective: My supervisor and I have to meet up every so often to sign papers and discuss how I am doing and what I am doing for my courses hour logs. In the past I really enjoyed the strictly “work” relationship I have had with my supervisor. She seems to keep it on that level and I really did respect and enjoy her for that. She is a very busy woman and sometimes seems uptight. So throughout the time I have been there I hardly ever meet up with her and when I do its always a rush.

This past Monday I met with her to sign some papers and overview my goals working there. So I showed her my papers and discussed my goals. Now I had set my goals to things I felt I needed to work on and things that I actually do and KNOW. She looked at my goals and said,”These goals are too simplistic, your focusing too much on the work and not enough on what this building is about.” Now I was not offended by what she said at first but the comments after that offended me to high heavens. I’m not the neatest or the fastest writer mind you, so I had to write it out in front of her the suggestions she gave me. When giving me the suggestions she said I need to look at the bigger picture and know the departments, what everyone does and how things are processed. Then as she told me these things she would stop and say,”Do you know what that means” or “Do you know how to spell that?” (I misspelled ONE word once last year, now she thinks I’m a dumb ass). Then when she finished telling me all these things and assigning me to learn them…as she was signing my paper she said,”I doubt your professor will accept this but I’ll sign it”. Even though this may sound like its a simple situation, it was really her tone and her expressions that gave off that “I’m intentionally being rude because I am your supervisor and you need me for your grades” feel. Then she rushed me off.

After meeting with her, I felt like crap, horrible and embarrassed  I’ve never done or said anything disrespectful to her. I’ve been nothing but polite or at least tried.

I have come to her and told her that one of the staff employees were rude and lazy (which I think after her running her mouth got back around to him because he rolled his eyes at me once when he saw me). I’m not sure if this has anything to do with that but from now on I have decided that I will NO LONGER go out of my way to help out at my job. I will no longer do what I don’t have to do. If it is someone else’s job to do it then I’m not doing it, simple as that. I’m tired of being nice and helpful then getting slapped in the face. I don’t care if it effects my grade in class, if anything I will go to my school and tell them about my situation with my supervisor to protect other students who may choose to use their fieldwork toward that place. I don’t appreciate being under-appreciated and I won’t be. After May has come and gone for this semester. I am quitting and never coming back. In the future (when I’m not working there and gone from thought) I WILL be mentioning this companies name so that people are aware what type of place this truly is.

-Jazzie

College….Required to Take Irrelevant Courses and Waste Money

College student studying

College student studying

I love having my education and pursuing it to become a Social Worker. My education is very important to me…its my drive and hope to go further in the future, financially and mentally. But one thing that pisses me off is taking courses that are “required” of your degree that you really don’t need.

Why it pisses me off?  Well let me use my Biology course as an example. Two of my educational fears: taking a physical education class (I don’t like to be competitive, sports was never my thing…I will however workout) and taking any type of  science course. The reason why I fear taking science courses is because I don’t grasp it easily. I have to study my butt off, which I don’t have time for or I have to have a really GREAT professor to teach me and it just so happens that I have not only the worst professor but seemingly the dumbest.

*Small Rant But A Point To It*

Now for the professor that I have the class is scheduled at 10am. This jerk arrives to class 15 minutes early then begins class by taking attendance. When I arrive its about 9:58am because I have other classes that I am taking. So when I get there the attendance is already taken and I’ve been marked absent. Thats VERY fair. Then when class begins and he starts to lecture, he presents by slideshows so he goes over a slideshow and stays stuck the same slideshow for about 20 minutes and that includes him talking about some story that connects with his life that has nothing to do with the human brain. Then at the end of the class he says, “Guys we’re behind we really have to speed it up I can’t slow it down for you guys”….really? After you waste our time with your life story every freaking slideshow?? Then he says for people like me that keep failing their test,”you should be studying 4 hours a day.” I am a full-time student taking 18 credits…I don’t even have time to eat!

Don’t even get me started on the syllabus. Usually professors put in their syllabus the schedule for the whole semester including tests…not this jerk, no he leaves tests out of it purposely so that he can switch the date anytime. Like he did a few times where he told the class as a whole the test would be the next day then when we come to class all studied up and ready, he says oh no its going to be next week….just for the simple fact that he promised ONE student after class that he would extend it….seriously? Now don’t get me wrong, he’s a smart guy but his teaching tactic is moronic and dumb. He knows the material so well that he assumes everyone else does and teaches like you already know it.

I swear if I EVER get another professor like him I am going straight to the dean and showing my ass! I am wasting $1k on this course just to feel humiliated and dumb and the course isn’t even over yet I have already signed up to take it online next year.

But anyway, why it pisses me of is because its REQUIRED to take this course. Biology has NOTHING to do with Social Work…nothing at all. Social work is SOCIAL, interacting, helping, planning…why am I paying to waste my time???? So basically, I am being “required” to waste my time on things that don’t even have a ounce to do with my degree, its just “required”….that irritates me to the core and demotivates me to even attempt to pass the course.

I am suppose to graduate next year under the 2+2 program so hopefully it will be different going into my bachelors degree.

-Jazzie